Prudence. With the guilt I feel, for being so greedy,
I can’t help but want to put her in a cage.
It makes me feel as if I’ve murder someone beautiful.
She could cure AIDS, cancer, and even my rage.
I can’t help but to be selfish now.
I don't know who I am anymore.
She makes me insane.
She makes me smile:
Inane. Asinine.
I'm broken, damaged.
Never good enough for such a perfect person.
I don't deserve such a miracle.
Okay... sorry. I just got home from swinging by the liquor store and hitting up McDonald's to get some breakfast, and it happened again...
Why the fuck is it that any time I go out in public when I'm wearing my lip rings there's always that one jack ass dumb fucker who points at my god damned face and then he says...
"Did that hurt?"
Uh... No. It didn't hurt at all. They just took a big fucking needle, shoved it through my flesh, pulled the needle back out, and then they shoved a huge fucking piece of metal into my face.
No. Didn't hurt a bit.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!
WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT?!?
GIVE ME A FUCKING HASHBROWNS AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!
oh my god.. i hate these people
Laying around, no school today:
Just paying pacing to keep awake.
Sitting around, no work today:
Just drinking until the clock has circled all the way.
It's late afternoon as you walk the rooms
of a house that is quiet,
except for unanswered telephones.
And, you stand near the sink while you're mixing a drink.
You think you don't want to pass out where your
room mates will find you... again.
Stumble around the neighborhood with nothing to do.
You're always looking for something to sniff, smoke, or swallow.
Call over next door to see what they've got.
You'll settle for anything that'll make your brain slow down or
Stop this circle of thoughts you chase,
before they catch back up with you.
And, your parents noticed your thinning face.
All the weight you've lost...
All the weight you're losing..
...You said,
"I'm done feeling like a skeleton...
No more sleeping walking dead..."
You're going to wake from this coma.
You're going to crawl from this bed you've made.
So, stop counting on the camera that
hangs around your neck.
Because you won't ever remember what
you choose to forget, as you
try to find some source of light;
and, try to name one thing you like:
You used to have such a longer list.
As if you never had to wait for it.
But now, it's so easy.
It's so easy.
But now? You second-guess everything you do, until
all you want is to finish this half-empty glass before
the ice all melts away.
And this feeling? Well, it used to pass.
But now, it feels like it's everyday and
it feels like it's every night now.
I didn't mean for it to happen. I did this to myself, but I thought the smell would come off quickly =(
I needed some hand lotion. I looked around, and I couldn't find any good lotion. I only found one. It's for girls. It's this:
"ETERNITY
for women
Luxurious Body Lotion
lait sensuel pour
le corps
Calvin Klein"
I looked at this bottle, and I thought, "well shit... I can either have dry skin or I can just smell like a cheap whore for an hour... An hour isn't too long... the smell will come off... Okay. I'll put the lotion on.."
But that was like 12 hours ago, and I still smell like someone who would fuck you for money or drugs in a dark alley.
I like how girls smell. I like the smell of their shampoo when their air gets too close to me. I like the smell of their clothes. I even like purfume -- PS, Ladies: Curve wins -- but, this smell... Total slut.
I smell like a filthy, gross whore. And, the smell won't go away.
I talked to Prue.. she told me about "Rally".. it's a sport.. A sport with cars...
Instantly, I think, "that's stupid".
But, she interests me. So, I don't say that. I ask about what "Rally" is -- what makes "Rally" different than NASCAR crap I see on TV? Cause, man, that is a boring thing to watch. It's a bunch of guys... and they drive in big circle.. and they don't do anything else for like 8 years... they only drive in a big circle..
How can people watch that crap?!
So, when I asked her about "Rally" I sort of expected her to say, "Well, there cars, and they're like brand-new plastic cars with adverts all over them.. and they drive in a circle for like 8 hours... and at the end of like 8 hours, the guy acorss this finish line they paint on the street wins.."
And I was prepared to say, "Yeah.. that's what NASCAR is.. it kinda sucks... I sorta like really hate stuff. I don't even consider that a sport... it's like.. .just a guy.. and the guy drives a car.. and all he reallly doesn't do is fall asleep and crash.." <-- This does not seem hard to me. I don't think this is a skill. I could do it.
But, no no no. Her answer caught me off gaurd... She said there is a "co-driver"... the co-driver tells the person who actually drives the car where to go... and I first though... WHOAH... LIKE.. WAIT.. NO!!! WHY WOULD THE PERSON CONTROLLING THE STEERING WHEEL JUST NOT TURN WHEN HE OR SHE SAW A CURVE COMING?! WHY WOULD YOU ONLY LISTEN TO SOME DUDE WHO SITS NEXT TO USE?!?!
THAT'S LIKE DRIVING DOWN THE STREET WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED
THIS WILL NOT WORK OUT PROPERLY -- YOU WILL HIT SOMETHING
...But, okay... fine.. She kinda made it make sense.. I still don't really get it.. but, I thik the car is going so, so fat that the Co-Driver ONLY job is like straight scream basically something like this:
"Hey!! IF YOU DON'T TURN THE CAR LEFT NOW, WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!!"
So, the driver turns left
Ya know?
That seems kinda pointless and suicidially risky, but ok.. fine...
I got this far.. and I decided to give up. I told her to go to sleep. I had kept her way far way, way too long. I decided after NYE tonight, after drinking with friends and watching Fireworks in the park, I would come home. And, then when I got home, I was going to google "Rally" -- and I was going to understand the rules of tihs weird sport Austrialia has..
So, I found the wiki page... and.. wait.. Things get weirder.. Prue tells me snow doesn't happen in Aussie-land. That makes me so sad
But, I do kinda also smile at it for just a little detail: Snow and ice is hard and scary to drive in. You will find yourself sliding off the road before you realize it's even happening. And, you are going to crash.
So, if Aus gets no snow... this Prue girl, whom I care about, has a less chance of hurting herself while driving. I like that she's gonna not die in a car wreck. So, okay. It's almost worth it...
But.. then.. as I said.. I"m reading the wiki page about Rally.. and it's not just Austrailia..
They do this in Germany too.. and then.. Sweeden. in the snow...
They don't even use roads...
They go up mountains while driving on slick ice..
They drive fast in the rain...
And, I'm suddnely thinking only one thing now:
HOW DOES A PERSON WIN THIS RACE?!??!
DO YOU NOT DIE?!? IS THAT HOW YOU WIN???
DO YOU SHOW UP AT THE FINISH LINE, THE ONLY PERSON WHO DIDN'T DIE, AND SAY, "HEY, GUYS, LOOK.. I'M ALIVE!! GIVE ME THE TROPHY!!"
Do you only win because it didn't kill you!?!??!
How do people survive this sport/?!?!?!?!?
I don't understand this at all...
I am so fucking confused.
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