Gina's Beautiful Eyes [Photography Blog]

This first set are all Gina's pictures. I'll give the names of the pictures above them. She is an amazing photographer.

To Be Loved

Set Me Free

Raining Love

Raining Love II

Powerpuff

Only Kindness Matters

How To Fight Loneliness

Exploration III

My Stalker, YouTube.com, and My Videos

On January 26th, I realized I have a stalker - Michael Inman! About a month ago, my friends, Danielle and Taylor, were hanging out with him. He told them that he wanted to be my friend, meet me, and hang out. So, they give up my information to this guy - phone number & screen name.

He called me that night with threats of driving to Texarkana to beat me up. I had never spoken to him before that night. I was quite confused and not at all happy with Taylor for giving out info. She and I got in to a bit of a tiff about that bit.

Tonight, I'm sitting on my couch, watching the tele, and my phone rings. I look at caller ID, as I never answer without it, and it says,

Calling...
Michael Inman

"Who is that?", I wonder. I can't remember even putting it in my phone. I answer with a curious, "hello?" A screaming voice instantly launched into a barrage of death threats with some guy in the background laughing. Immediately, I remember when I had added Michael Inman into my phone book.

He called between 5 and 6 more times tonight, resulting in about 10 minutes of voice mail to listen to. The bit you're going to hear are only clips of the last two, him seemingly calming down and wanting to be friends... wtf?

I have never met him. In the video he says we were at a party, but he is just lying. I'm not sure if he actually believes that or not... but we have never met - ever. It's really quite insane. But, the kid is a fat 16 year old little immature boy from Waskom, Texas who mistakes his fat for muscle... Kind of sad, actually...

So, what did I do? Well, I made a video of his phone calls and of me laughing at him. Check it out!


Here is a video I made for this girl that I absolutely adore more than I can even try an attempt to describe... maybe you'll find this interesting.


If you're interested to see the rest of my videos, then go have a look at youtube.com/SquireCD. I've got about three more videos in the editing phrase, so keep checking back, or better yet, subscribe to my youtube channel.

I hope this blog finds everyone well,
Charlie Danueil

Glass House

There’s a panic setting in when he’s
At the mall and wandering through the halls
Down the street, though the tunnel
Was painted on the wall

Yes, there was a crash
He had it coming, they’d all say
Everyone knew that
This boy would end up this way

I’m sure we’ll all have to hear about this soon
When he’s writing another song
Some drowning droning number
About how he doesn’t belong

And, I’d tend to agree with him there
I just don’t want to hear about it
He’s trying so hard to pretend,
It isn’t that they don’t give a shit

It’s a bit more like they’re all just busy
Yeah, busy with of all their personal things
But, the truth is painfully clear
They don’t want to hear the bitching he brings

So, jump off a bridge, little boy
Or go get a job, preferably over seas
So I can forget all about you, child
Just stay away from me, please

As your mirror may tell you,
It’s probably yourself you’re trying to find
Not so much love, song, poems, but
Your dead set to go on driving blind

But, before you go,
Let me offer some advice
Stop your whining and just throw the fucking dice
Heads or tails, at least you’re doing something
Some things always have been
Some things will always be
So, take a good look in the mirror
Before departing me
Look really hard,
Who is that you see?

· · · — — — · · · SOS

本日は、強調している間は何をやり直す丸つぶれに私は、私が知っている私の死を助けることができなかったが、私の家族の生活を向上させる大変です。

私の父は私が考えていることを知っています。私の兄が死亡し、私の父は意に介するしなかった。それは彼のようなニュースを耳にすることについては、いくつかの他の家族とはいえ、 "これは何ですか？ "

私は大学修学や金融災害です。私を阻むものではありませんがたくさんあるから今すぐ自分自身の撮影です。ここでは2つのかれらの...

1 。 ）女の子が好きで、ペンシルベニア州
2 。 ）本当にたくさんのお友達のように、インターネット上で、彼らは絶対に知っているとはどこに行った

それ、本当にすべて私は...そしてそれはあまりにも悲しい...

ファック。

Wasted Time Never Was

This is what a new song looks like before you find a chorus. Some people call them poems. I sort of end up raping most of my poems to force song from them. This particular victim's name is "Night Purple Flashlight", now renamed "Wasted Time Never Was". I'm not sure if I like it yet. I, all too often, make things far more complicated than they need be.

I'm a wordless poet
And you like me still,
This singer without voice
Like a rock rolling up hill
If I had a better voice,
I'd call you to show you my love
I'd sing to you all about the way
You make me a better person,
And how funny and anxious I am
When you're dancing through my day
But, I'm a terrible poet
And I've never sang a good note
But, I'm hoping it'll be enough
To just keep us a float

On this guitar hanging off of my neck,
I'll never find the right chord
To boom the beauty, the way you've found me
I just want you to know the extent
Of which you are adored
And, I had a dream of you last week
In it, you were, by far, the star
Of which I focused a song
Glorified by you, in the radiance
of you smile,
I'll gladly endure all of the trials,
Oh, but, I had a beautiful dream to fight
That which separates us, all these miles

"I bought a new night purple flashlight, my dear"
You would color a black and white world
Yes, She put it against the wall
As we watched the light disappear
Then, we spilled all over the kitchen floor
As the storm killed the lights, we locked the door
No one will flip the switch tonight,
So we'll run away in to your basement
After stumbling blindly through the hall
You took the flashlight to the ceiling
From against that white wall

The room had lit up again now,
and it boomed with it's beauty,
which seemed to me to scream
Inside of every refracted light beam
When the days this cloudy,
I think I like it best that way
So, I forgot all about tomorrow
while enjoying this imaginary day

This dream is hopeful, and
No, I don't mind dreaming all day
And I believe that wasted time
Was never really wasted anyway

Quantifying The Cheese Sandwich

I want a cheese sandwich. That sounds really nice.

It may have escaped the notice of the populace that I posted a bunch of baby pictures of myself on mySpace. Take note, they are me. I was once a child. Before being a child, I lived in mommy's womb. She drank and smoked a lot. Mommy loves me, but she loves rum and coke more.

I guess I liked GI Joe. I think GI Joe sucks now. I don't know. It seems to me that tricking children in to supporting a war hungry government with subtle anti-drug and good moral lessons isn't too bad a choice. However, have you ever noticed that GI Joe and his buddies are always fighting the Russians? What the hell is with that? And Rocky and Bullwinkle. They hate Russians, too. This seems weird to me. I didn't watch Rocky and Bullwinkle though. I think that was before my time. Still odd though.

When I was about 8 years old, a girl named Jessica Blue told me she liked me. Then she kissed me. After she snuck this disgusting joke on to my lips, I ran screaming from her. I told all of my little friends about the horrible girl and her evil trick she had played on me. They thought the same thing I did - GROSS!!

When I left Little Rock for Texarkana, I never thought this disgustingly evil girl would cross my mind. As it turns out, she was a lot smarter than I, as she had figured out that it wasn't gross. It was sweet.

The moral of this story?

No. There isn't one. You wasted your time.

If you demand a summery, I guess I can offer this. When you begin to quantify things, they tend to exceed your previous assumption on their simplicity.

I will have that cheese sandwich now, though.

Lizza Brings Me Cranyons, and I Saw Most!

The river has more colors at sunset
than my sock drawer ever dreamed of.

So, there's a girl who has stolen my heart. It is, without a doubt one complicated situation, but I'm so very happy with it. We're trying to make plans for three-four months, Oh, how I hope those come through.

Lizza is has become of my my, very many, favorite photographers. My friend, Mark Dixon, knows that I used to take an absolute ton of great photographers. As does it - still!! I've slacked off on my pictures in a long time... Maybe I'll start it up again soon.

So, I wanted to share some of Lizza work. I haven't asked her permission for this, and I very much hope she's okay with it, so here it is.

Lizza, if when you see this, you aren't comfortable with my posting and promoting your work, I will happily take it down for you. I have the links, so I can enjoy it privately. I just wanted the world see see how good are. This is a self-portrait of the beautiful, Lizza. This is one of the pictures that stole my heart. Absolute beauty.

Because, you, Lizza, continue to amaze me. Not with only with your intelligence, beauty, or even how artist you are. It's everying wrapped in to one person that has stolen me. You are truly one in a million. I am blessed you've come in to my life. Thank you for every talk we've ever had. Oh, and by the way at 8:45 AM, you gave me the strength tell a particular somehow to never speak to me again after she IMed me and said, "Baby, I miss you". :-) You'd be proud. This next picture may help you know who I am speaking of.

Here are two more that I have to post. They're just so good.

Baby's Breathe (above)

Beauty (below)

When Standing In The Rain, No One Can Tell You're Crying

I don't even know what or why I want to write this Tuesday. One thing I do know, I don’t plan on duel posting this to any other site as I usually do. Generally, I write a blog or post, and then I paste it here, on AmongAMillion.com, and my mySpace. I’m feeling far too exposed on mySpace lately. I just can’t write on there this morning. What is with that? I know I’m a private person. I accept that I put my life on display for the people of the web-o-sphere to laugh, marvel, or hum about, but … sometimes, I just want to disappear. Today is one of the biggest days I’ve had like that.

I just want to tear down every web page I have and hide. I’m feeling very bad about myself today. It’s not the weather; the weather is great.

I’m in my bedroom with my laptop, Rei. The lights are off, and I can hear thunder getting louder and louder. Weather.com says the high today will be 68 degrees, and we’re in for a lot of thunder storm and lightening strikes. This makes me happy, but not happy enough.

I feel like I’m trapped at 12 years old. Shy and embarrassed all the time. I’m 27 now. There’s so much I wanted to have done by now. Most of it is still so, so far away. Generally, I actually don’t mind that. I’ve got time. So, it’s not that I haven’t made my plans come to fruition yet, it’s more than I’m feeling I’m making no progress on the road to home.

Yes, I have an apartment. Sure, I have friends. Yes, my health is much better these days. OK, I admit I’m a bit childish. Yeah, I know I need to work harder. Sure, I’m a bit of a slacker. Yep, I’m a hopeless romantic. I know these things. I even accept these things. I want to change most of these things. I know how to make them, mold them, make them better, and I do nothing. Why? I feel paralyzed on these topics. What gives?

I feel like an anxiety / panic attack is coming – as I typed that, another thunderclap shakes my bed room window. I had an attack last night. I haven’t had one in… what.. I guess six month to a year. I know I get them, but I usually keep it in check. Yeah, sure, I’m a nervous and anxious person, but I usually don’t let it beat me down. I did let it beat me down last night.

I was far under slept. I had four and a half hours of rest, at best, the previous night. I spent it doing good things. I awoke from an amazing (and very rare) dream. Nothing had gone wrong. Maybe I let it get me because I was too tired?

At about 7:00PMCST, I was in bed trying to get a nap in. I had been telling a certain person about the wonderful dream I had. I was thoroughly enjoying our talk. But, I was just too damned tired to keep it up. I had to take a nap. I got in bed, and I started to worry about sleep.

I started to panic. I started to worry. I started getting hot and uncomfortable. I knew it was coming. I tried meditation, but it was beat back. I had a cigarette. It didn’t help. I got a drink of water. No help at all. I thought of a special person telling me it’ll be okay. That time, yeah, it did help, but didn’t help long enough. When I thought of her, I began to worry I’d let her down soon. I’m not very great. She seems to think I’m great, and I’m just so not. She’ll figure this out, I know it, and I don’t want her to. I like her. I don’t know why she likes me. I don’t care. If I cared, I’d have another panic attack. I want to believe amazing things are possible. I just want it to last. Am I asking too much?

So, I got a bit off topic… We’ll call her “Lizza”. Thinking of Lizza telling me to calm down and that everything would be fine did help. But, soon thereafter, I began to worry she’d soon be finding it in her thoughts, “Why did I like this guy? He’s a mess.”

Yeah, I am a mess. I know I’ve got a few things going for me. I can, at times, be clever. I’m no genius, but I can hold an intelligent conversation given the right topic. I’m considerate. But, my consideration has limits.

(Holy hell! I think that thunder clap almost broke my window!!!)

Case in point, I’m a terrible friend. Cynthia and Marc. Start with Cynthia. Cynthia is awesome. I couldn’t ask for someone who cares more for me. Cynthia is probably the most hardcore girl I’ve ever met. She is a 5 foot 4 inch ball of infinite rage, but for some reason, I’m her soft spot. She will kill your ass in a heart beat, but she’s always been an angel to me, helped me out of holes I’ve dug for myself, come through for me when I’ve been very, very low… The things she has done for me… It’s almost beyond belief how infinite her patience is for me. Why is she like this to me and no one else? I have no idea, but I am eternally grateful. And yet… I am a bad friend. Three or four nights ago, we were supposed to get together for a movie. I didn’t call her. I wanted to. I just couldn’t. I was feeling my social anxiety. I wanted to over come it. I did. I really did, but I just couldn’t. I wanted her to come watch the movie with me, but I couldn’t call her to say, “Alright, come on over”. I just could not do it. Why? I don’t know. A doctor said I have severe social anxiety, but Cynthia and I, in my apartment, watching a DVD doesn’t seem extraordinarily social to me. What the fuck is this about? What is my problem? I know this hurt her feelings. I need to call her and tell her how sorry I am.

More evidence – Marc, author, poet, web designer, amazing friend. This guy has been like Cynthia. He has been there for me in so many millions of ways. His patience with my coming and going, my all-too-often whining, my panicked fears spilling into IM and phone calls… And he stands by my side. What he gets out of our friendship is beyond me, but again… I am eternally grateful. And, still, he called me over the holidays to wish me well. I wasn’t able to get the call as I was with the family. I think it was my birthday, 24 December. I’ve been meaning to call him back. I’ve told myself, “Charlie, you’ll call him when you have the time”, but let me get real – I have had the time. But I haven’t called him back. I love Marc. I want to talk to Marc. I want to hear how he’s doing. I want to tell him about Lizza. I want to tell him how I am. But, I can’t dial the numbers on my phone to achieve these wishes. I don’t know why… Seriously, I want to talk to him. I need to talk to him, even. But, am I? Well, not yet…

I’m a bad friend. I really am. I love those two so fucking much, and yet, I’m hiding from both of them – and I don’t even WANT TO!! What is this about?

It’s driving me crazy.

Let’s get back to the point. My panic attack last night was bad, but when I thought of Lizza’s eventual boredom with me, Cynthia being let down in our failed movie night, and Marc’s ill-returned phone call, I felt so much worse… I can’t stop Lizza from getting bored with me, but I can fix the Cynthia and Marc situation.

Okay. Here I go. I’m making a resolution to call them both tonight. I’ll have to wait until 9PMCST, so it’ll be free on my phone. But, dammit, I am calling them. Not only do they deserve my full attention, but I need their voices. I want to hug them both.

This week has been harsh. Generally, I’m in a stable mood. Not exceptionally happy, but not exactly down. I just am. But, I get both in extremes from time to time. But, this week has honestly been a first for me. I’m twenty-seven years old, and I’m telling you that I have never felt a week like this one. It has been mixed with the lowest of feelings, and it’s had the peaks of beautiful happiness. It’s been an emotional roller coaster. I’ve had months like this where I go up and down like the stock market, but this week… it’s been condensed into such a small frame of time, I can barely keep up.

When I started this blog, I was feeling very anxious, nervous, and panicked. Now? I’m feeling better. I like the thunders approach. The storm weather is getting rainy and dark. I like Ani DiFranco’s reassurance that people are good coming from my computer speakers. I like that I got enough rest last night. I’m not exactly happy right now, but I’m not down again. I was surely down when I began this nonsense.

Oh, man… It just started raining really hard. I can hear it hitting the building. I might kill the music, lay on the couch, and just listen for an hour or two. I think it would be very calming. I need calming. I need company, but I’m shying from it so much.

Oh, and I’m still supposed to have coffee with Kayla and hang with Trissa. Super. I want to do both, but I’m dreading the making of plans. Why does it seem so huge? And, Trissa is so bright and happy - she always makes me smile. She never fails. It’s friendship. How is that hard? And, I really, really miss Trissa. She's so good.

I really am a mess.

[Edit @ 11:00 AM]

After reading over this.. I feel even more stupid and exposed. This is three pages of nonsense. I didn't even actually say anything... Nicely done, Char. I did have fun linking all the pictures in to this nonsense, though. That was neat. Like a photo journal. I liked that.

[Edit @ 11:42 AM]

I'm feeling much better. I'm still hiding, but my spirits are on the rise. Remember fun times, Charlie. There is love. There are kisses, hugs, friendships, family gatherings, and joy. What is bliss without knowing terror? It's worth it. It always has been. Get behind the wheel. You will make it home.

Meet Me In Montauk

Refracted Light Only Goes So Far

I can't see more than half of the color spectrum, but I like to pretend I can see the colors.

Rainbows are still fascinating to me.

A girl with who laughs with rage will make my heart explode one day.

Flowers and gardens in weird places intrigue my interest.

I saw a flower growing in the crack of a parking lot once. I took a lot of pictures of it. The flower and I become best friends, and we hung out for hours. I miss my friend. She died a few years ago. Now, she's just a crack in the lot.

I like daisies.

I can't read sheet music, but I love looking at it. I love photography of sheet music, too.

I like bright and unnatural dyed hair on girls with bubbly happy personalities. I think that's cute. Not stupid, just optimistic.

I like very curly hair.

I want to finish learning Japanese. I want to be fluent.

I want to sing better.

I want to write lyrics anytime I'm in the mood.

I want to learn the violin and let it sing to everyone I love.

I want to move to a place that snows a lot. I like snow.

I like Cherry Blossoms.

I want the sunrise to last longer.

I want the sunset to be purple and last longer.

I want my friend Cliff to make it big. If I know anyone who deserves it, it's him.

I want Fabian to do it, too.

I want to apologies to everyone for everything I've ever done wrong, but I know that doesn't always make it okay. So, I do nothing.

I regret that about myself.

Today, at the moment, I'm enjoying making this list.

My favorite movie of all time is, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".

Ani DiFranco is my most influencing musical inspiration. I want to marry a girl just like her. And, as it turns out, I do happen to know someone who looks and acts like her. This girl reminds me a lot, more and more, of Ani DiFranco.

I have not told this girl this thing I think of her.

If she asks me, "is that me you're talking about?", I will probably tell her the truth.

After I tell her the truth, I will probably feel stupid and embarrassed.

I'm shy like that.

I work with what I've got.